dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize