Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
