The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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