Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
