i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
this hospital has no fireball
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
