ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
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When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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