Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
What a dumb baby whore.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
