It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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