We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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