i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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