i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
