it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
