Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I can't put those talents on a resume
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
