I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.