I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.