why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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