you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?