you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Come see our sink grown plant.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
