Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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