I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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