I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
