How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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