It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Are we still banned from the library?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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