i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
