It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
