Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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