well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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