I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
