your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
