I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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