Betty ford says i'm here all night
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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