Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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