i will never coherently bang her
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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