I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You did what with his pubic hair?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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