Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
