People in love make me want to vomit
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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