Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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