i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
