Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i already hear my dad disowning me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
