she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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