I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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