My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
