im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So vagazzling was a success
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize