I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
