Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
