I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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