Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
