I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
