it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
