I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
