So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
