why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
