Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
barbara walters just said penis...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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