I'd wear matching sweaters with you
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
