Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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