i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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