also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
