We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
