Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
These tits shall not be calmed
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
