I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
