what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize