walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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