I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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