onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
