I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
