addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize