just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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