He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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