So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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