garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
