why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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