the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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