did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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