8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
