i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
